I am sitting here reading these amazing blogs by so many people I have, in such a short time, come to greatly admire... and I admit i feel something I am trying to define...
The absolute eloquence of their words. Their ability to pull me in, to make me laugh and usually to make me cry just astounds me. I feel something...I cannot say it's jealousy because to me jealousy comes from a place where you don't want good things for the person you are jealous of. I then lean towards envy... but really isn't envy a much prettier word than jealousy but really it's just the same thing.
I then have defined it as longing. I long with ALL that I am to be able to write like these men and women do with such artistry and depth... and I realized something... I probably never will. I am not a writer. I like to talk, I like to tell a story, but I do not understand prose, syntax, metaphor, and anthropomorphism - Actually let me re-phrase that, I do understand these things... I just do not know how to put them into writing. I read Living with Logan , Special Happens , In These Small Moments , The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom , Seven Yuck Mouths and Autism , Backpacking Dad, The Red Dress Club , Two Brothers Like No Other, Resonance , The Sassy Piehole, The Good, The Bad, The Family , Life According to Amberliegh, Mrs. Photography , Big Daddy Autism , and SO many other amazing blogs. These people I am in AWE of. Their words as most of the blogs I follow inspire me and touch my soul. They give the the laugh I was needing, the soap box to stand on, and the pain that causes my soul to cry... These people and the eloquent and visual way they write; leaves me with such longing.
I realize I will possibly never be this... I know I can only be me and talk and write the only way I know how. And I continue to read and be inspired. I check out the prompts given to inspire an amazing piece of written work, and someday I will have that, that one piece. I guess for me, I don't see myself as a stand out, just another "Mom Blog"... blogging about her cute kids and mundane life... Maybe, just maybe there is an inspiring writer in me. Maybe someone will be inspired to write something one day because of a post I wrote, or be moved to tears and or laughter. But today I guess I am just writing for me and to tell the story of my life, my family, my points of views, thoughts and advice... and maybe it's just for my family so they know me... really KNOW me and who I am and was, if for no one else. I'll just blend into the blogsphere with all of the other out of work, stay at home, work at home mothers and women. Just don't discount me or them yet.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
On my soap box
Today I am angry. I am so angry at the world. At injustice. Maybe it's because I am an Aquarius I feel like I have to save the world... save the ozone, save the baby harp seals, save the dolphins, Stop the bullying, save the unwanted. Yeah I am THAT person. I post all the time on Facebook for my friends for cancer awareness... abuse awareness... I post for Reece's Rainbow.... and honestly I feel like a hamster on it's exercise wheel going no where. Do people really not give a damn unless it affects them directly?
I know it's more than my astrological sign... it has been put on my heart... more so since I was given the honor of being my son Gabriels' mother. He was a gift from God for me to love and to open my eyes... to becoming the student and him, my son the teacher.
I have so many affluent friends who post about how they go on trips, or eat at wonderful restaurants or are buying the latest toy either for their kids or for themselves.... But if you bring up disabilities or donating for the disabled or to save a child on Reece's Rainbow.... A LARGE MAJORITY go quiet and disappear. I will get nearly 100 birthday wishes, or 30 likes for a post on my son being in the J.R.O.T.C. but maybe only 1 like if I post a link to donate to help bring an abandoned Down syndrome orphan home here to America to be adopted and loved. To bring them to their forever family to live... so they don't die. The following is a post I just did on Facebook. Because I AM angry... and my heart is hurting. I just don't understand people who are good people turning a blind eye to the world around them. Pretending the things that are happening aren't not unless it suddenly happens to them... they pull their pristine blanket up around themselves so the ugliness and the dirtiness of the world doesn't affect them... so it doesn't touch them. So they don't have to acknowledge it and can go on feeling good about themselves while drinking their $6 latte from Starbucks and texting on their $400 iPhone planning their next ski trip to Vail. It just pisses me off.... I don't understand people or their hearts.
I look at my beautiful son and by the grace of God he was gifted to me... so he is alive and thriving and happy and loved.... but if not for that he may very well already be dead or languishing in an Eastern Europe orphanage, unloved and unwanted. MY heart breaks soundly just thinking that. And I worry, when he gets older... he'll be mocked and bullied and not even understand. And all he'll want is a friend and to give the abundant love in his heart, only to be pushed away and probably pushed down, rejected. What for? Because he is delayed, because he looks different? Because he looks funny? No.... because those peoples' parent turned a blind eye and did not teach their children to love and accept all people for their perfections and for their flaws. Those people are the same ones who do not pass on my links or like them... they pretend they don't hear me on my soap box... or roll their eyes because I am on a tangent or ranting. They are teaching their children it is okay to mock or ignore my son, because what I say makes them uncomfortable. I want to yell at them "TO GET OVER IT!!!" I am here and I am not going anywhere and I am going to stay on my soap box advocating for ALL those who are prejudiced against... or for those who have been abandoned.
It is my my duty... So here is what I posted:
Don't just read this and go on your merry way.... comment... post a link... share... stand up and make a change... make a difference.
I know it's more than my astrological sign... it has been put on my heart... more so since I was given the honor of being my son Gabriels' mother. He was a gift from God for me to love and to open my eyes... to becoming the student and him, my son the teacher.
I have so many affluent friends who post about how they go on trips, or eat at wonderful restaurants or are buying the latest toy either for their kids or for themselves.... But if you bring up disabilities or donating for the disabled or to save a child on Reece's Rainbow.... A LARGE MAJORITY go quiet and disappear. I will get nearly 100 birthday wishes, or 30 likes for a post on my son being in the J.R.O.T.C. but maybe only 1 like if I post a link to donate to help bring an abandoned Down syndrome orphan home here to America to be adopted and loved. To bring them to their forever family to live... so they don't die. The following is a post I just did on Facebook. Because I AM angry... and my heart is hurting. I just don't understand people who are good people turning a blind eye to the world around them. Pretending the things that are happening aren't not unless it suddenly happens to them... they pull their pristine blanket up around themselves so the ugliness and the dirtiness of the world doesn't affect them... so it doesn't touch them. So they don't have to acknowledge it and can go on feeling good about themselves while drinking their $6 latte from Starbucks and texting on their $400 iPhone planning their next ski trip to Vail. It just pisses me off.... I don't understand people or their hearts.
I look at my beautiful son and by the grace of God he was gifted to me... so he is alive and thriving and happy and loved.... but if not for that he may very well already be dead or languishing in an Eastern Europe orphanage, unloved and unwanted. MY heart breaks soundly just thinking that. And I worry, when he gets older... he'll be mocked and bullied and not even understand. And all he'll want is a friend and to give the abundant love in his heart, only to be pushed away and probably pushed down, rejected. What for? Because he is delayed, because he looks different? Because he looks funny? No.... because those peoples' parent turned a blind eye and did not teach their children to love and accept all people for their perfections and for their flaws. Those people are the same ones who do not pass on my links or like them... they pretend they don't hear me on my soap box... or roll their eyes because I am on a tangent or ranting. They are teaching their children it is okay to mock or ignore my son, because what I say makes them uncomfortable. I want to yell at them "TO GET OVER IT!!!" I am here and I am not going anywhere and I am going to stay on my soap box advocating for ALL those who are prejudiced against... or for those who have been abandoned.
It is my my duty... So here is what I posted:
It is what has been put on my heart by MY God to do. To Speak up and out for those who can't. For those who have been tossed aside as unworthy. I was given a precious gift in Gabriel and his life (with Gods help) opened my heart and eyes to... something bigger than me and now I have a mission and a purpose. A little 6 month old girl I fell in love with in the Ukraine with Down syndrome died. I was planning on trying to adopt her. I was too late. She was abandoned by her parents because she was broken. Tossed aside like trash, and I fell in love with her. Now she is dead. Because I was too late. I have been crying for days(and edit and addition bcse it's true) If she had been born to me or any one of you she'd be alive and thriving right this minute, but her beautiful, precious life was snuffed out because she wasn't worthy. I refuse to let children die. I refuse to let my sons get bullied because they are different. You will be a warrior to your God, to your politics, and to your beliefs... I am too a warrior for these things, but I CHOOSE to add a crest to my shield. I will be a warrior for those less fortunate, who are different, who are deemed "Unworthy" by most. You all love the pictures I post of Gabriel. Most of you love him and would stand next to me to fight for him. Stand next to me and fight for others like him. Raise awareness, be brave. Buy a shirt promoting disabilities and wear it proudly. Donate to save a child you don't know because it's the right thing to do. Stand beside me and Gabriel and promote love and acceptance. Stop the name calling, and the laughter and the bullying. Change your vocabulary. If we can have millions walking for a cure, we can have millions stop using the word "Retard" and saving orphans. My 2 cents..
**Sorry this was such a long post.... I just had to get ALL of that off my chest. May my darling little Marlena RIP along with her brother angel Nikita. I am so sorry I was too late baby girl :o( I loved you already and my heart and souls mourns you. May God forever hold you to his chest and show you, you are worthy and you were loved.
Don't just read this and go on your merry way.... comment... post a link... share... stand up and make a change... make a difference.
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