These Scars

So… I have been away for quite awhile. I know I have neglected my blog. I could say it was life and my new job, and my business and family and so forth, and that would all be true. But why give reasons or excuses… I am back… as much as I can be

These Scars….

These scars tell a story.

These scars made me cry. They caused my baby pain.

These scars filled my heart and soul with fear.

These scars took my baby away from me for days at a time where he was in the hospital.

These scars saved his life and gave me mine.

These scars mean he is still with us.

These scars are only superficial now and remind us how precious life is and how precious HE is.

These scars will grow smaller as he grows bigger… because of these scars.

These scars are here because they needed to be here… and now, now I am glad that my little man has them, because without them, he would not be 2+ now.  I would not be able to sing him to sleep almost every night.  I would not have the absolute joy that is in my heart and life that he has brought just by being my little “Porkchop”.   I thank God for these scars and for my son.

*Open Heart Surgery

*Duedenal Atresia (Intestinal blockage)

*PICC lines (Directly into his arteries)

*G-Tube (Feeding tube in abdomen)

*Chest tube (to drain fluids after his open heart surgery)

Auld Land Syne

Well this is it... the last week of 2010. Man has it been a crazy kind of year. But I am not like alot of people who say "Man am I glad this year is over!". Have I wished it at times? Heck yeah!!! But you know every year, every minute is another minute that we all get and have to live. And I don't mean just wake up and breathe, I mean LIVE!!! And even with all of the highs and lows I would not change this last year, or anything that I did or happened. It is what has given me growth. Even the "Cancers" that were eliminated were there for a reason. Now I could sit here and berate them and what they did and blame them for this and that but what would be the point? They know the truth regardless. That it wasn't just one person, and it wasn't just me. And most people only choose to see the reality they create, so when the truth does come out, it's their own fault really. So the truth is, no I do not regret anything this last year, or years past. People make their own choices. And good, bad, or otherwise I make no apologies for myself. I do what I want, when I want, how I want. I do take my friends and family into consideration always. But in the end it's my life.

I have wonderful friends who accept me for who and what I am and believe and for the most part do not try to change me. Because I have no intentions of changing. I like who I am. I love to read, I love music of all kinds, I love the arts, I am independent. I am fiercely protective and loyal. I have been very blessed to have many talents, that I have finally learned to accept and be proud of. I am vain in that I do take care of myself. I may not exercise everyday, but I try to stay healthy. I do put on makeup everyday. I get my nails and toes done. I think it is very important I look good for me and my man. I don't make excuses. I just do it. I cook, I love to cook and I am good at it. I know I am a good mother. My children are wonderful, loving, kind human beings. I am very proud of them and their reflection of me.


I have a man who loves me passionately and very deeply. I don't try to change him or give my love boundaries or him boundaries. I let him be who he is. I find absolute joy in taking care of him and doing things for him. I love pleasing him. I love making him feel like a man... and not some emasculated shell of what should be a man. I know my place with him...(But that is another blog entirely)


I get to do what I love for a living and the people I hold as family and friends support this full heartedly and I appreciate it more than mere words can express. 


I am educated, funny, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate and so many other great things. Yes I am bragging and saying I am complex :) but that is what we should be as humans. And I strive constantly to be better and to learn and glean knowledge from this life and past year.  I love camping, and fishing, and anything outdoors. I love sports and am very competitive... And I hope to do more of it.


I have love, family, friendship, and health.... and this last year truly has been a really good year, and a year I do not regret.... and I do not have to lie to myself or others about that. Do I have a June Cleaver kind of life? HELL NO!!! And I would not want that.... but what I do have, and will have is great, and I have no complaints. 


So here's to 2011 may it be filled with as much excitement, adventure, love, ups and downs as 2010 otherwise, why live... and what would be the point of looking forward?