Thursday, December 30, 2010

How Womens Lib screwed things up

Now I am sure I will get a ton of crap from my independent, "I don't need a man" women friends... or from any woman like this... And that is fine I can handle that. But this is MY blog after all and this is my opinion and feelings on the subject. So if it really does irritate you move on to a different less controversial post. My feelings are not hurt.

But I really do believe this, the Women's lib movement screwed up the order of things.

Women are really funny and contradictory creatures, confusing at best. We want to work, but we want to stay at home. We want to dress sexy, but you aren't allowed to look or comment otherwise that's harrassment. We want our doors held open, but how dare you order for us. We want to be one of the guys, but don't smack us on the ass. We want to be hard assed corporate executives but then cry in the bathroom because no one likes us and calls us "Bitches"..... sorry ladies, you can't have it both ways.

"What??!!" you say...? No we really cannot have it both ways. We cannot have it ALL with out consequences.... What are those consequences? Well look at our men now a days....

Used to be we ALL knew our "roles" in life... and I truly do think most people were happy. Women are strong, compassionate, passionate, intelligent, gentle, loving creatures. We love, we take care of, we nurture.... that truly is how we were made. We were never meant to be "One of the guys".  We have soft, wonderful, sexy, supple curves and crevices... that we were meant to love and embrace. Not be ashamed of or starve to death. We were meant to love and nurture the things in our lives. We were meant to be our men's partners but not their equals.

We were not meant to play professional football or hockey. We were not meant to be the ruler of the house or the "One" in charge. We weren't meant to "Wear the pants" in the family.

Now I am not trying to take away our ability to vote... or to work... or any of the things we have gained... but I feel we have really forgotten our places... We are not the hunters, we are not the masters and we are not supposed to be ball busting, man emasculating creatures.

We want a strong man, yet how dare he tell me my place or what to do. We want a man to protect us, but only when we want it. We want the door held open, and the check paid for, but we don't want to give and inch in return, and then throw our much larger salary in their face to boot. No wonder men don't know what end is up. Women commiserate "Where are all the Gentlemen? The Good guys?" Well we have pounded the hell out of them....emasculated them.... taken away what made men....MEN. And yes ladies, that is our fault entirely.

We want that strong, masculine, savage, passionate, knight on his white horse to come sweep us off our feet... but only on our terms and with rules and restrictions. How many women out there dangle all kinds of goodies on the end of their relationship hook to nab that, badboy, or handsome devil.... only to bait and switch. How many women think "Once I marry him, he'll change because he loves me"?  "He'll change, I can change him. I can "Fix" him"? A lot of you.... probably 95% of women do this crap to men.  Did he tell you he needed fixing? Did he tell you he needed to change or was unhappy with who and what he is and was? Did he try to change you? I am pretty sure the answer to these questions are a resounding NO!!

Oh and my favorite... women who use sex as a weapon. That is wrong on so many levels. What women don't get is that for men sex is one of the ways they express love and desire. And it is a way they release their stress and tension. Women always want romance and flowers and candles every single time...sorry but sometimes men just want what they want.... but as women if we don't get what we want... we deny and pout. Close ourselves off.... don't communicate. Guess what ladies... they are not mind readers. They ARE NOT going to get your subtle little hints. They may be gentlemen or even bad boys, but deep down inside they are cavemen and yes you do need to draw it out for them... in a loving way.

Our place is not to be the boss, running the roost the "Man..." oops I mean "Woman" in charge. Sorry, we should not be their equals.... we should be partners and talk things out and come to an agreement (usually) together... but in the end our MEN should be the boss, the ruler of his kingdom, the master of his domain. Otherwise why would he have all those sexy muscles we adore? :)

We are meant to defer to them, to take care of them. To support them, to encourage them. To submit to them... they are meant to protect us, take care of us, nurture us, support us as well. This is their place, and ours.

Women want it all, but can't handle it. And we wonder why things fail, why we fail. Why we never seem complete, content or happy. And women feel "Hell no if I am going to let a man run things or tell me this and that!!" Really?? and where has that attitude gotten you? Where did it get me? In an unhappy situation or relationship? Were you sitting there with this beaten down, confused, emasculated man, who finally lashed out and said "Enough is enough!!"? A man who wants to smoke cigars, go hunting, spend some time with "The Boys", poker nights...etc. and that is if you are lucky. What man wants to live with a shrew or a harpie... who constantly finds fault and complains... the house is always a mess, she's let herself go... no dinner... consumed with herself and her job, and the only time they are intimate is when she wants to conceive or isn't angry at the world? Would you want this woman? I sure as hell wouldn't! And what is so hard about getting your butt up and walking, eating healthy, putting that "Tommy's" down. Brush your your hair, paint your nails, put on a little makeup. Look good for him... wear something besides sweats and over sized shirts. Cotton panties and bras...yuk!! I mean you trade in your car if you haven't kept it up...seats cracked and paint chipped...all run down.... So don't be surprised if the same happens to you because you got married and stopped caring or got "Too busy". You don't need surgery or invasive crap.... just care. Take care of yourself. And NO "He should not love you the way you are." That isn't how it works ladies. If you don't care, why should he?

And what was so wrong with the 1950's? The woman at home taking care of the kids, the home, and her man... Him out working, bringing home the bacon? Family weekends, sleeping in Sundays...? What was so terrible about it? I am not saying women can't work or that men cant do a load of laundry and fold it and put it away. I am just saying we have forgotten our roles and places with each other and it has caused unhappiness, confusion, and so many other problems. Because deep down inside in the places we have chosen to forget and have blocked out... we are who we are... Women have a job and a purpose...we are the gathers and the care takers... Men have a job and a purpose...they are the hunters and protectors...beating their chests around the fire... and we as women wanted to beat our chests too, but didn't want all that came with it, and in the process messed everything and everyone up.

For me, I want that savage caveman. I want my man to be a man. I want him confident, large and in charge. I want to submit to him. I want to love him, cherish him, adore him, take care of him and stand beside him, kneel in submission to him and always let him know he is the MAN. It his his domain, he is the master and king and I am his precious queen. And I know if I do these things, I will be happy. He will be happy. He will do his job as my partner, friend, husband, king.... and I will want for nothing. And that is our jobs ladies. Is that really such a bad thing? Living a life of happiness knowing our places being cherished and adored... is that such a terrible fate? We still have say...we still work... we still have our sense of self and strength, we still play and have a life, but things are just back in the way they were meant to be....

We need to let our men be men and not try to change them or fix them. We want them to love us for who and what we are with out boundaries and rules... so we need to do the same. No more bait and switch. It's unfair and in the end you are gonna lose... Him.

Just something I have seen and learned in life.... take it or leave it. This is how I see it.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Girl in the Zebra Pumps: Auld Land Syne

The Girl in the Zebra Pumps: Auld Land Syne

Auld Land Syne

Well this is it... the last week of 2010. Man has it been a crazy kind of year. But I am not like alot of people who say "Man am I glad this year is over!". Have I wished it at times? Heck yeah!!! But you know every year, every minute is another minute that we all get and have to live. And I don't mean just wake up and breathe, I mean LIVE!!! And even with all of the highs and lows I would not change this last year, or anything that I did or happened. It is what has given me growth. Even the "Cancers" that were eliminated were there for a reason. Now I could sit here and berate them and what they did and blame them for this and that but what would be the point? They know the truth regardless. That it wasn't just one person, and it wasn't just me. And most people only choose to see the reality they create, so when the truth does come out, it's their own fault really. So the truth is, no I do not regret anything this last year, or years past. People make their own choices. And good, bad, or otherwise I make no apologies for myself. I do what I want, when I want, how I want. I do take my friends and family into consideration always. But in the end it's my life.

I have wonderful friends who accept me for who and what I am and believe and for the most part do not try to change me. Because I have no intentions of changing. I like who I am. I love to read, I love music of all kinds, I love the arts, I am independent. I am fiercely protective and loyal. I have been very blessed to have many talents, that I have finally learned to accept and be proud of. I am vain in that I do take care of myself. I may not exercise everyday, but I try to stay healthy. I do put on makeup everyday. I get my nails and toes done. I think it is very important I look good for me and my man. I don't make excuses. I just do it. I cook, I love to cook and I am good at it. I know I am a good mother. My children are wonderful, loving, kind human beings. I am very proud of them and their reflection of me.

I have a man who loves me passionately and very deeply. I don't try to change him or give my love boundaries or him boundaries. I let him be who he is. I find absolute joy in taking care of him and doing things for him. I love pleasing him. I love making him feel like a man... and not some emasculated shell of what should be a man. I know my place with him...(But that is another blog entirely)

I get to do what I love for a living and the people I hold as family and friends support this full heartedly and I appreciate it more than mere words can express. 

I am educated, funny, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate and so many other great things. Yes I am bragging and saying I am complex :) but that is what we should be as humans. And I strive constantly to be better and to learn and glean knowledge from this life and past year.  I love camping, and fishing, and anything outdoors. I love sports and am very competitive... And I hope to do more of it.

I have love, family, friendship, and health.... and this last year truly has been a really good year, and a year I do not regret.... and I do not have to lie to myself or others about that. Do I have a June Cleaver kind of life? HELL NO!!! And I would not want that.... but what I do have, and will have is great, and I have no complaints. 

So here's to 2011 may it be filled with as much excitement, adventure, love, ups and downs as 2010 otherwise, why live... and what would be the point of looking forward?

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Girl in the Zebra Pumps: Preview "You get what you pay for, some times...."

The Girl in the Zebra Pumps: Preview "You get what you pay for, some times...."

You get what you pay for, some times....

It's been awhile since I have blogged. Life is the culprit. I have every intention of writing on this blog every week, but then I either get busy or distracted... more distracted . And you know what they say about good intentions (Who are "They" and why do we listen to them any way?) "They" say "Good intentions pave the road to hell." Well at least when I leave in my hand basket the road will be paved :).

See distracted... that and the fact that I cannot type. How ironic to have a blog and only be able to hunt and peck. Now mind you I do this very quickly, but on a laptop I make quite a few mistakes!! Oh well such is life.

So tomorrow I am supposed to be getting my hair done. Cut, color and crazy chunky blonde streaks. I get bored very easily. And my heart is split in two.... I have the rocker/punk chick in me who is wild, doesn't give a damn about who you are or what you think. I'm gonna do what I want when I want rebel with out a clue. Then the other half is the mom and country kind of gal. Who has manners, is educated, and most days worries about hurting other peoples' feelings (Most days) Now I must admit, the older I get and the more comfortable I get in my own skin, the more the "Say what she thinks, devil may care" gal tends to come out....anyway back to my hair....

See with my hair that is the one thing I can get crazy and edgy with that is not permanent. I can have black hair with pink streaks because if I want to change it I can in a week. One day it can be at my waist and the next short and spiky... and with the modern invention of "extentions" and wigs I can have waist length hair the following day... But here is the thing that I have found.... you have to be very careful even though it is "Only hair"... sometimes you do get what you pay for.

I used to go to Carltons and pay $100 for a hair cut... just a hair cut. Now then if we throw in a color or highlights we were looking at a good $300... yes for hair!!! But I justified it in a couple of ways... I didn't have kids... I did it once every 3 or 4 months, and it was MY HAIR... and I can be vain. I know this about myself and I am comfortable with it. Judge me if you will but while you are cleaning up my back yard perhaps you should tend to your own... just saying. And yes I know vanity is a sin, but hey as I mentioned earlier I am already headed to the basement I am sure so vanity isn't an issue. Plus I am not over obnoxious about it, I just like to look good and take care of myself. Not go outside with out lip gloss and mascara. I am just one of those women... remember your back yard?? Hows that working for you?

So where was I??? Oh then came kids, bills, and life. No more Carlton's and $300 hair expenses...and unfortunately that still holds true today. But I also know this, Carlton's and all of those chic-chic hair salons are over priced. But I have also learned you can't just walk into any old salon and for $80 get a cut, color, highlight and style. That is unless you want to have your hair fall out or break off, and mine has. It's a fine balance.

I have found some places that are very inexpensive and have one or two great stylists, surprisingly one of them was a Fantastic Sams in Corona Ca. and the stylist had worked for Carlton's but found them to be "full of themselves" And that is what confuses me... it's all the same if you have a great stylist so where do these "high end" salons get off charging you sometimes $1000 for a cut and color?? Because I have gotten amazing service and hair care at little privately owned places and have paid sometimes at the most $130 and that is for a great style, color and high lights.

As a matter of fact, the guy that does my hair now is amazing... and he charges me $130 for all three of these services, and he is as good as anything I have ever gotten at Carlton's. And he's honest with me. The first time I went to him I begged for highlights, he told me no. He could not in good conscience put highlights in my hair because the last place I had gone to had damaged my hair severely and he was afraid my hair would all break off. So he just cut and styled my hair and gave me great advice. I fell in love immediately. I will follow this man where ever he goes. So again I ask, why did I used to pay up to and over $300 to get my hair done? I think I have the answer.... with a place like Carlton's, or Jose Eber, it's their reputation. They are selective about their stylists and try to pick only the best.... I get this and I get because of this (and the customer service) they can charge a premium rate for their services.... other wise you take your chances at these little neighborhood places, not sure if they really have their beauticians license.

So what it boils down to, convenience or a little investigative work... For me, I investigate because now a days I cannot justify no matter how much I have sitting in the bank, paying a car payment for a hair cut.... so much for vanity. So yeah, sometimes you get what you pay for, and some times with a little effort you get the same quality, but don't have to sell one of your kids to get it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Well, I am finally doing it. I am writing a blog. Why the name? Well to be honest I love shoes, it is my fetish if you will. And I really do have the cutest horse hair zebra pumps you have ever seen. I loved them the minute I set my eyes on them. Red soles and a little bow. They are sort of Rock-a-billy, and I also just love Rock-a-billy and most things 50's. In the 80's Rock-a-billy became huge, and of course I raided all of my mothers things. And that is when I fell in love with shoes...pumps.

My mother was a fashion horse or now we call them fashionistas. My mother had tons of beautiful clothes. And everything coordinated. Her shoes, belts, scarves, accessories...everything!!! Well she had these stiletto spectator pumps, black and white, with leather soles. I fell in love.. and I would sneak them out and wear them with my pencil skirts to school... walking. Okay I was young and did not appreciate these amazing pumps(and their cost!!) but I just loved them. So I walked to school and home and would sneak them back. Of course mom found out eventually, not many of us thought to be a little more cognizant of taking impeccable care of our things... teenagers.

And let me tell you, my mom had this utterly amazing full length, lined gorgeous, red wool coat... Oh My God!!! that is for another post in itself. Needless to say, like I said my mother had amazing clothes.... and that is where I think I got this obsession for all things fashion, among other things that I inherited from her.

Unfortunately I am not one of those OC women they show you on t.v. living high on the hog. To be honest, that is a small percentage of who REALLY live in the OC. Most of us work very hard for what we have... and sometimes what we have is getting by, by the skin of our teeth. So I do not shop at Nordstroms, but at Target, or at outlet stores. Yes I have been in Nordstroms, but that was to get from the parking lot into the mall it's Am I vain, yes. Am I horribly vain? No. I just like to take care of myself and look good. I love shoes and clothes, but you will probably never find me paying $100 for a pair of jeans (shoes...different story!!). I am not knocking those who do, I just don't understand it. Now don't get me wrong, I love places like Sephora, I do buy expensive and quality makeup alot of the time, but then I also stop at Walmart and get blush, or mascara, but for foundation or powder, I try to treat my skin to better products... and eye shadow in my opinion you cannot beat Clinique and Lancome, or Nars.

But I am me... and I am a dichotomy of so many things and I am not what you see on t.v. or envision in your mind about what a woman in Orange County Calif. And the reality is... most of us aren't. So I hope you enjoy my thoughts (as scattered as they are) and my blog.