Monday, March 28, 2011

It broke my heart

I have been sick for nearly two months now...going from bronchitis... to a cold/ now a severe kidney infection. Let me tell you though, this kidney infection has knocked me on my butt, and really scared me. After I had my son in 2009 I went into congestive heart failure... my organs hurt... my insides hurt. That is what this felt like. Couple that with my having breathing issues... and strange heart palpitations... well I was very, very, worried.

That and my husband has been working crazy long hours and weekends. Then mother nature and her indecisive nature and mind as to whether it is still Winter or indeed Spring. One day it is stunningly beautiful and quasi warm giving us the hope it is Spring and we can bathe ourselves in it's hope and warmth... The next day all of it gone and it's windy, cloudy, and wet... no longer warm, no longer sunny. So I know I cannot depend on Mother Nature right now as she is bi-polar.

So officially no I did not plan a 2nd birthday party for my youngest and last child... my Porkachop. I already had decided we would wait until June perhaps when Mother Nature got her mood, meds and disorder under control... I thought about even sending Midol to her anonymously, but really how do you do that?

Regardless, I felt like the walking dead while the family was going along just nicely, except no one seemed to be treating my Porkchop like the birthday boy he was yesterday. Not even me. Yes when he woke up I picked him up and snuggled with him for all of the 5 seconds he would allow telling him happy birthday and how much I loved him... Before he wriggled free like the little jackbutt that he is and which also earned him his 2nd nickname from me "Satan". Even he didn't seem to care that he was officially two.

So I guess it was only my heart that was breaking that my baby is now an evil toddler. That there wasn't balloons, and a jumper, and a guy twisting balloons into flowers and swords. No face painters and piles of bright gifts and tons of kids running around tearing up my house....

On second thought I guess I can wait til June... but we did get him a cake since I was not up to making him one... and he did make a heck of a mess with it... My heart still broke though... he's not my baby... he's my boy and he's two.

What a little jackbutt for growing up... and not wanting to snuggle yesterday. My heart is sad.

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