Wednesday, March 23, 2011

This is me...

This is something I wrote...gosh a year or so ago and it holds true. I think you get to an age where you just do not need other people to like you or agree with you to feel validated and complete. I like who I am even though I know there are people out there who hate me and spread terrible lies about me just to get sympathy or make themselves look better... And that is fine if that is what they need to feel better about themselves. They will be judged... and Karma will come back down upon them 10 fold.

I do not have to lie about my life, or my family or my happiness. I do have amazing kids that some days I'd like to give away or run away from. My husband loves me very deeply and I am very lucky he is in my life. We are seeing where our marriage is going. We BOTH have hurt each other and made mistakes. Right now we are trying to be good to each other and kind and loving, seeing if we can work through it all or if we have out grown each other. Either way he is a good man and a good person and we will always love the other one and be friends. Some people aren't that mature... and it's a sad thing really. So here is what I wrote...

Remember this about me.... I am not judging any of you or your beliefs... please understand this....

*** Side note...  I know this sounds angry, but like it's been pointed out, I am not able to impart tone and so forth. I was not angry when I wrote this.... I was just taking a moment to look at myself and share who I am and some of my thoughts with everybody or anybody who cared to read them. I am passionate... So this was a passionate piece.... not an angry one.... LOL****

I believe in God and in Jesus.... but I don't necessarily believe in the bible.... and I know my Christian friends will have argument with this and I would hope they would. I do not doubt God or Jesus. But man wrote the bible. It has been translated and re-translated over and over. Written and re-written over and over. And no I am not saying this so I can believe in God and live my life how I see fit.... that is not it either. It's just that men are fallible. Do I believe the bible came from God... yes I do believe in it's original version and form. But different churches and rulers have had it re-written several times over and I believe they had it re-written to suit their needs and personal agendas. I believe there are things missing from the bible and I believe some things in it to be inaccurate.

I do not believe in the God of persecution and fire and brimstone... I do not believe in the God that doesn't want us to rejoice and dance... I do not believe in the God that does not want us to love and accept those who are different or not Christian. To not be these peoples friends because they may drag us down. I think that is BS!!! Yes I cussed. It is what I am. I curse people and I still believe in God and his son.

I have heard people say God doesn't make mistakes.... and I agree... So then why do we feel the need to protect the so called sanctity of marriage??? Should not people who love one another be allowed the same as as traditional couple? Why is their love so wrong? It is love. Jesus loved all men and walked among and touched everybody. He broke bread with a prostitute. If God does not make mistakes then these people are not mistakes. Tell me why anybody would chose a life style where everyday they are persecuted and judged? Wouldn't it be easier to be traditional? And for those of you who say they can choose... really?? If you are "traditional" can you see yourself loving the same sex? Well that is the same for these people. They did not wake up one day and say "Hey, today I have decided to hurt my friends and family, to be persecuted, to be spit upon to have my rights taken away from me and I have decided TODAY I am gay." They did not do this. They are not filled with Satan's will, they are not evil. They were BORN loving the same sex as themselves. Yes I know what the bible says.... but again men are fallible... they have agendas. We question everything in life but not religion ....why? Does it make me a bad Christian because I question the bible and it's authors agenda.... Not God, but the men who took his word and re-wrote it?

Who are we to decide our religion is correct and true. Other religions feel ours is incorrect or untrue. I am curious.... have any of us seen a vision from God? Have we died and came back knowing... I think that is more than presumptuous of us all. Where do we get off being holier than thou?

That is also why I do not go to church... well one of the reasons... I should not have to wear a dress, not have tattoos, have normal colored hair, no piercings, not have flaws.... to go to church. I hate those that go to church Sunday and are high and mighty and religious just that one day... and then Monday thru Saturday you would not even know they were Christian, Catholic, Baptist.... or what ever. They sit in traffic yelling and honking... they judge every body around them... they yell at their spouse or children.... cursing...drinking... what ever. Now before you get me wrong.... we are all human, we all make mistakes, we all do dumb things... we are flawed. I am talking about those who are holier than thou but do not have real and un-judgmental, no strings attached love for their fellow man.

How many of you out there refuse to give money to someone who begs? Why because they may use it to buy another drink or drugs and you don't want to be a part of that? Let me put this to you...

It is not my place to judge what they are going to do with the money I gave them. Yes they may very well have lied. But it is not on my heart what the truth is. It is on my heart to just give.... not judge. I give in the spirit of giving that is what is on my heart. What they really do with the money is on them. I am lucky... I may be broke and have my issues... but here is how I look at it.... I am friggin lucky... I an not an addict or drunk... I have a roof over my head, I have food, I have clothing and my health. My family is healthy.... I am blessed. Also we never know when it is a test seeing where our hearts really are... or that we actually may be entertaining an angel.

I hate hypocrites... and yes at times I have been one... here's the deal...

I like rock music, I used work in a kitchen as a cook/pastry person. I had aspired one day to be a chef or to own my own restaurant or bakery and now I do. I have gone to college or higher learning my entire adult life. I majored in English and in Business Law... I finally went to Culinary school. I DON'T LIE ABOUT MY EDUCATION.

I am not rich... I like tattoos... I have one and want more. I curse... I am submissive (Yes believe it or not) ...I am not perfect. I find both men and women attractive and beautiful. I am a somewhat conservative liberal.... I have only like 3 presidents... Kennedy, Reagan, and Clinton (well since Kennedy). I believe in being charitable with your time, money and love. I do not believe love or friendship should come with rules, strings, boundaries, or limitations. I believe in alternate life styles... and do not necessarily feel monogamy is for everyone. Judge not lest ye be judged.

I am beautiful and to be honest I know it. I am not conceited I am confident. I am not perfect.... I have scars from having children. I am not fit and tight and do not like to exercise all the time. When I do exercise I love it!!! I love who I am. I am intelligent, but do not know everything... and at times feel lost. I deal with depression, but I am not depressed. I do not love my nose, but I love my hair and eyes.

I am sarcastic and do not always filter what I am thinking before I say it. I do not like sugar frosted flakes, so I tend not to sugar coat things. I love to eat!!! I love food... I am a foodie. Fast food, haute cuisine, or just good home cooking, I love food. I love butter. I love wine. I love meat!!!! I drink more pepsi some days than I do water and some days not. I love Mac n Cheese and pot pies and jello. I will never ever be skinny again!!! I am chunky and I am okay with that because I am not going to deny myself a bloody damn chocolate chip cookie to have a tight ass!!! But like I said when I exercise I love it!!!

I try to be a good person and some days I am very successful and other days I fail. I am sexy and I know it and I don't always try to hide it. I am not looking to entice, but I have curves!!!! I look good for my age. I have a great sense of humor... I do not get people who collect everything, although I love Tinkerbell and Eeyore, I just don't collect things. I am hella creative and can do anything I set my mind to.

Here's how I see it. We are only here for a short period of time. Tomorrow is not a given. I am going to be me from now on. And if you don't like it then F'n delete me.... I really don't care. I am living my life not you. I don't tell you how to live or what you are doing is wrong or decide you are not my friend because your values differ from mine.... I am asking you to try to be a better person. I am not going to change.... sorry about that kids. Lump it or leave it.

So there it is. I love you all.



  1. LMAO.... Girl.. I already knew that! hee hee...

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Those the only words I can come up with:)

  3. Love it - true honesty is hard to come by even in the blogosphere.

  4. Brandi,
    I just read your post also... and just about dies from laughing. And I loved it!!! Great minds think alike is what I am thinking!

  5. Thank you Eden..... I really do believe in being brutally honest... and if it wouldn't get me a lawsuit I'd even be more honest lol.